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Riiiigghhhht.

"Model/ Actress/ Hooker/ Waitress"

-HOLE, "Awful"

Spencer Pratt is a Used Up Douche

”I don't really get why she'd use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one's going to see...I know I've made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman...I forgive her, though. She's had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough."- Spencer Pratt retaliating against MK Olsen for barely mentioning him on Letterman in a less than glowing light...

Far be it from me to come to an Olsen's defense ( I don't know them or even particularly like them but I did see the movie where they went to Atlantis about 100 times) but who the fuck does Spencer Pratt think he is??

"Spencer, what's it like going through life looking like Santa Claus at 21 and with a jawline that looks like you're storing nuts for winter and being engaged to a girl who looks like an Afghan Hound." - Me

Seriously, shut up.

Quote of the Day!

"Well, I just hope if a shark gets him he kills him all the way. It would be hard to see your friends running around having fun when you've been chomped in half and are in a retirement home!"

-My mom when talking about my brother going to Kauai with friends this summer

MySpace "Model" of the Day

SAMANTHA KELLY

With her estrogen-less look this "shim" (she/ him) is giving Chyna Doll a run for her money.

See more testosterone here: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=311109589

Lust Object of the Day

Little Architecture/ Pico "Ando Ring"

$136

Available at: http://029bcef.netsolstores.com/andoring.aspx

I'm Tired of NOT Funny "Funny Viral Videos"...

But I think this one is hot shit and NSFW. Wil Arnett is such a hot bitch.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Song of the Day

Since PM Dawn is Dlisted's Slut of the Day, their best song ever is song of the day!!!

PM DAWN

"Set Adrift On Memory Bliss"

I Fully Endorse the KNORK!

Just kidding

Finally!

Although, I do NOT endorse meat eating.

GROSS.

How trashy!!! This shit is for lazy asses with no manners!!!

Get your own at: http://www.knork.net/

Song of the Day

SURVIVOR

"Eye of the Tiger"

This is one hot fucking video!!!! Watch for exquisite acting skills and amazing photography!!

Stairway to Stardom Hot Piece of the Day!!

Precious Taft
Hot Damn!!

I know MK on Dlisted posted this one a while ago but she is by far my favorite. Such passion.

See More pure talent: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkS9oF-DFMA

Myspace Attention Whores...

Okay so you probably wonder why the Hell I'm on MySpace often enough to notice this kind of thing. Its a slow season and the phone isn't ringing. Anyways, what is up with these friggin' MySpace Attention Whores who post bulletins all day long with titles like "New!! Pictures!!"

The bullentin itself says something pathetic like "New pics! Check them out and leave comments!!"

RETARDED and embarrasing!!! Do they feel like they have a lot of friends and get excited when people leave comments? Is that their thing? Like, do they attach part of who they are to how many 'comments' they get? Sadness. It's mostly creepy guys who can't even spell for Godsakes.

"Wow. Ur hawt" or " "u r so sexy".

GROSS.

Oh, and could we PLEASE ban all photos of girls making the "V" in front of their mouth? You know the fake "pussy eating" face? Also, all kissy faces or pursed lips like you don't give an eff. Really? Then why'd you post it? It's getting old as shit.

Lust Object of the Day

Dylan's Candy Bar Delux Gift Set

I don't know why. I don't even like candy all that much. It just looks cool.

$325.00

Available at: http://www.dylanscandybar.com/jump.jsp?itemID=869&itemType=PRODUCT&path=1%2C2%2C252%2C304%2C235%2C258%2C253&iProductID=869

Deal of the Day

Charlotte Russe "Ombre Tube Dress"

$28.99

Available at: http://www.charlotterusse.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3119506

Awesome Poem/ Piece of Writing

Did you guys see the photos of MK Olsen at that retarded "Flannel Party"? Some guy wrote a poem about it and it's truly inspiring! A work of ART!!! I've highlighted the, um ...highlights.

a flannel party? weeeeeeeeak theme!!!and the madden boy doesn't even oblige.weak.these pictures are actually reassuring and hilariousbecause i think it highlights how uncreative these million dollar babies are.
sure they're cute and carefree and cobrasnake and everyone's having a good time, (where are the adults?)but they've been rich so long they fucking suck at spending it the right ways.plastic plates and forks? store bought pinata? no art on the walls, no rugs, no nothing.just cupcakes candles those retarded oversized wine glasses and the worlds ugliest marble countertop for miles.that little munchkin olsen is living a permanent freshman year, god bless her her caffeine-addled soul.she's like some g-rated iggy pop, flopping around, everybody telling her she's so CRAZY!!!!!!!!funny thing is i have pictures that look EXACTLY like these, too. wasted, flannel shirt unbuttoned, untucked, too many cigarettes in my fingers.i was 15.
nicole richie has the world fooled with her whole mom-routine.she's the mastermind here. she's the smartest guy in the room.she's fucking brilliant if you ask me. that smile is deadly. she's so far ahead of this bunch. she has shit mapped out.and she may be hoisting a smart water, but it's just to wash down the scripts.so, where's that new born, anyway?the dudes are just loving it.fucking slime-balls that don't even know it.brody jenner jrs in training.posing, smiling, lying, networking, being the guys. they're all 5 steps ahead, too. they know where their night is going. they've got plans. MK has no plans. she has drugs and sychophants.what the fuck else does she need?
robert downy jr would laugh in these kids faces.he'd flip the dinning room table over, call them pathetic and main-line their absinthe.then he'd call charlie sheen over and they'd piss on the curtains.i bet every girl in that dining room has had 47 abortions.the sisterhood of the xanax and dark-colored sweatpants.the sad part is that mary kate has nothing to return to.rdj lifted himself out of hollywood hell and got back on the A-list.the olsens don't have that opportunity. they're never going to be actors again.they never really were. it's just more of this until something bad happens.

Via Radar/ via Filmoculous: http://www.fimoculous.com/archive/post-4521.cfm

Song of the Day

THE CURE
"Push"

The youtube video is just a scary photo of Robert Smith. Don't look at it too long or you'll turn into stone or something. Either way this song has one of the greatest intros, live.

Awesome Person of the Day

TIM McGRAW!

Some redneck fan at his concert beat down some poor woman so he could get closer to the stage. Tim saw this and yanked that asshole out of the pit by his wifebeater! HOT!!

Security came just in time or I think McGraw might have really thrown down. Awesome.

MySpace "Model" of the Day

Jillian

That poor bike just got scabies!!
"Couture" photo title

"OCCUPATION: Office Manager/ Trophy Girl/ Model"
See more high art here: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=380964760

More Dangerous/ HOT Carnival Rides

Well, this one is a Water Park Ride but still. How the HELL did this ever get a green light, even for only 1 month??? Awesome.

"The Loop Water Slide (Action Park): 1985, 1995 New Jersey's Action Park was notorious for being one of the most unsafe theme parks in the history of the entertainment industry. At least six people died in park mishaps during the nearly 20 years that "Traction Park," as it was nicknamed, was open, and plenty more were injured. This was usually attributed to one of three things: inattentive/intoxicated park employees, inattentive/intoxicated park attendees, or poor ride design. That last one doomed the Loop, an enclosed water slide that featured a complete vertical loop near the end. Supposedly the test dummies that were sent down this incredibly dangerous slide came out completely dismembered.
The Loop opened for exactly one month in 1985 before being shut down by New Jersey's Advisory Board on Carnival Amusement Ride Safety (who knew such a board even existed?). Those who did ride the dubious Loop were lucky if they escaped without bloody noses or a serious back injury. The ride opened for a few days 10 years later before further guest injuries forced a permanent shutdown.
Although Action Park has reopened since its initial closing as the much safer Mountain Creek Waterpark, the Loop remains disassembled somewhere in the Garden State where it can cause no more pain."

Article Via Radar Online: http://www.radaronline.com/features/2008/06/king_kong_universal_studios_theme_parks_destroyed_07.php

Lust Object of the Day

Laura Kranitz Pocahontas Hair Clip

$ ??

Available at: http://www.laurakranitz.com/hats.html

Deal of the Day

Cute Barrettes I found on Etsy!

$3.00

This artist, SWEETSURPRISES, has tons of other cool stuff.

Available at: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=12827454

Song of the Day

DOES IT OFFEND YOU, YEAH?

"We are Rockstars"

I know it's kind of played out but whatever. I still like it.

MySpace "Model" of the Day

SKYE MORGAN

27yrs old

"On the Catwalk for Jim Beam!"

WTF?? That's a hot ass bunny!!

Check out more hotness at:http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=378327138

Douche Party Photos of the Day!

Dear God,
Thank You for www.spyonvegas.com and a world full of douches and skanks.
Amen.

Wonder whos paying for dinner?
ROUGH! Nice eyebrows.

The girl in the blue bandeau top was up on every dick in the club that night. It's like a photo essay of her life.

"Sick. There's an OLD person here!" Rotary Club, holla!!

Has this douche never seen BOOBs before? Retard.

"What IS this new and exciting POSE they are rocking??" Trend Setters!!

Smoking with braces? That's a good way to get yourself a nice case of 'cheese teeth', moron.

Look, my little brother went to Vegas.

Douche Sauce award!

Quote of the Day!

This is a quote near and dear to my heart...it is also over 20 years old!! It was uttered by the sweet, sweet gem of a person that is LANCE GRANT.

I was coming across the monkey bars, minding my own business when LANCE decides to start making his way across at the same time, on like super speed. We meet in the middle, our eyes both flash with will power. He looks at me and clearly says,

"Get out of the way or I'm gonna kick you in the CHINA!"

I immediately drop to the gravel below. I need my china, or at least will one day.

Lance Grant won this time.

Bastard.

Lust Object of the Day

Alexander McQueen Heels

$ ??

Available??

Scandalous Tramp of the Day!

Amalia Aguilar!

in "Afro Mood"

"Stairway to Stardom" Hot Piece of the Day

MELISSA ANN LEDWON

Hot Moves and Robot Sound Effects!

Google Ads...

Can someone please tell me why my Google Ads are currently advertising some stuff for people with vag odor?

I don't remember typing that word.

Deal of the Day

Delia's "Jenny" slingback

$9.99 on sale
Available at: http://store.delias.com/item.do?categoryID=505&itemID=47383&sizeFilter=&colorFilter=&brandFilter==

Oh Dear...

That's totally a janky safety pin holding together Robbie Williams outfit last night at Villa!! Anyone else's ass would seriously been denied for such a fashion faux pas. I mean, did it USED to have a button? Why not just wear a shirt that isn't broke down??!

Song of the Day II

THE CURE
"The Only One"


Since the one below is kind of half assed...

Song of the Day

COLDPLAY
"Viva La Vida"

A lot of you bitches are ripping on this song/ album, but I really like this iTunes ad. Haven't heard the rest of the album though...

My Favorite Porn Star!

Ah! My favorite "dead eyed" Porn Star,

Sacsha Grey!

I've never seen a more bored looking sex worker in my life! She's only 19 and already continuously "over it" while claiming to "LOVE sex". Okay, Sacsha. Go pop some more Xanax/Vicodin/ Soma and keep up the pace. She's a work horse!

Men Are Just So...Weird and Gross.

I'm not a man hater and I usually don't stop to pause and think about how weird, gross and immature they are. If I did that I'd have time for nothing else! However, sometimes Gavin will ask me this question, "What do girls think of men? I mean, like when you know that all we think about is sex and that's our driving force...what do you think??" Not only does Gavin give me that constant reminder that men are driven by sex he CONFIRMS it. Thanks for the hot tip. Anyways, I saw this picture today, taken by The Cobrasnake at the LA Convention center during that Erotic LA or Adult Con thing or some such similar shit. It's all I needed to see. Men are totally retarded.

Lust Object of the Day

Twelfth St. by Cynthia Vincent wedge Gladiator Sandal

$405

Available at: http://www.shopbop.com/harper-platform-wedge-sandal-four/vp/v=1/845524441812924.htm?folderID=2534374302023681&fm=search-shopbysize

Deal of the Day

Forever 21's Amina Woven Top

$17.80

Available at: http://www.forever21.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=FOREVER21&category%5Fname=fashiontop&product%5Fid=2050941852&Page=all

Things I Want...

A hand blown glass cupcake stand. Pretty effin cute!

$60

Only 3 left at Fredflare!!

Available at: http://www.fredflare.com/customer/product.php?productid=4213&cat=103##

Quote of the Day!

This comes to us from an unknown/ unnamed old man watching that Big Deal Golf thing all you nerd asses keep talking about. Actually I think it just ended and I'm pretty sure it was called the "US Open" or some shit. That Hell was boring. Anyways...he was sitting at the bar at the downtown Marriott (yes, that means I was too but shut the fuck up) and he's there for this HUGE rotary convention. All I know is that Rotary Club is for old ass people...

"Ohhhhh, it's just a SHAME that I found out about Rotary so late in my life."

Yes, it took me a fucking week to feel like posting...

That does not a good blogger make...But I think I'm back now, for reals yo.

I had post-Cayman depression...it's still there but the pain is slightly less.

6th Grade is Fucking Dangerous

Something happens in 6th grade. You know wayyyyy too much about sex all of a sudden and you hear these really terribly disgusting crude jokes and think they are hilarious even if they don't make any sense. Oh...you didn't do any of that? Bullshit, you're full of crap!! "Shut your face" (says Clint Eastwood). Anyhow, I was totally like that (interested in the most disgusting information I could find out) but I think I've always known way too much about sex. My mother thought it was a great idea to tell me where babies REALLY come from when I was like 5 years old. She said I never laughed so hard in my life. I'm too immature for everything and I'm truly retarded. ANYWAYS, when I saw that Michael K of Dlisted.com had posted those old school photos of New Kids On the Block today it TOTALLY reminded me of my 6th grade obsession with them!!!! I've always been too cynical to enjoy any boy bands or be boy crazy but let me tell you, something about those damn NKOTB really got to me. I had these cheesy ass posters all over my room. GROSS!! So I had this friend, Heather Russo, who came from this CRAZY ass family. Her parents were like devout Christians and they had adopted like 8 crack babies and they were also a "blended" family so they had like 20 kids total. Okay, maybe not that many, but close. I mean, they had so many damn kids they served pasta dinners in a laundry tub! I'm NOT kidding!! SICK!!! Anyhow, Heather had this older sister, I don't remember her name but she was a fucking SLUT!!! A red headed, 8th grade, straight up ho bag! Heather and I would always spy on her in the basement dry humping her "boyfriend" (gardener/ paperboy/ random) of the day until we would burst out laughing and totally get caught and yelled at by Heather's mom to leave the sister alone. She should have looked into what the Hell was going on down there!!! It wasn't a very "Christian" activity. Damn! So the whole point of the story is how the sister used to play this kind of like "Choose Your Own SEX Adventure" story game with us. RELAX, nothing weird went down!! She would just make up these wonderfully outrageous, nasty stories!!! First you would tell her who you wanted the story to be about. Heather probably picked like Danny from NKOTB. I always picked Joey. I know!!! I know!!! A total twink but I didn't know any better!!! He was the "wee" one. So the sister would be all, "Okay, so Joey just played this totally hot concert and the show is over and you guys go back to his hotel room and there's a hot tub jacuzzi in there..." OMG. I better watch what I say, my poor MOTHER reads this blog -well here you go mom..."So you guys totally get naked and get in the jacuzzi and you totally give Joey a bj...." Okay! Alright!! I can't even go on!!! It was soooooooo inappropriate!!! It was filthy and disgusting talk for 12 year olds! I hadn't even seen a wiener in real life yet!! And I certainly shouldn't have!!) But damn, that whore could tell a good story. I always wondered what happened to her ass. I think she really did have a baby like in high school. Big surprise. Probably conceived in that damn basement. Anyways, that's my disgusting story. Hope you enjoyed me humiliating myself a little bit.

I'm Back Bitches!

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!!!

Honestly, I am too tired to even write a halfway decent post....my whole body hurts from swimming, snorkeling, meeting Gavin's family, looking for shells, drinking, (smoking a cigarette for the FIRST TIME ever in the ocean at like midnight in the middle of of a wild thunderstorm with crazy ass lightening and I smoked 3 in a row- is that why my chest feels like an elephant sat on it???). So I will compose my thoughts, photos, and stories from the best 5 days of my life and share the non barf worthy parts with you.

Oh yeah! I caught the bouquet bitches!!!!! That's right!

And somehow I ended up with the garter belt too. Weird story...but don't worry, it's coming, it's coming okay???

Missed you all! Well, missed those of you that are cool bitches. hahah :)

Song Of the Day

Okay, okay, I know it's kind of gross but it's perfect. Remember when "Uncle Jesse" played this shit with the Beach Boys on that episode of FULL HOUSE?? This is TOTALLY that episode! Even then I knew it was cheesy, BUT D.J. rocked some kind of hot ass dress and I was totally jealous!!! Eat THIS D.J.!!!

Adios Bitches!

I am off today for the Cayman Islands with my boyfriend to watch his brother throw his young life away = Get Married.

Posting might be rather lightl I get back on Monday the 9th, unless I can convince one of my wickedly funny sisters to take over for a day or two. Otherwise get ready for some awesome, crazy stories from the CI!! I'll take plenty of pictures of unsuspecting victims!! Haha.

Toodles, You tramps!!

Love,

Me

Stairway to Stardom "Hot Piece of the Day"

BJ THE MESSENGER!

"L-L-La, La, Leavitalone!!"
This bitch has hot ass moves and beats!! That face mask is a little too...Texas Chainsaw Massacre for me but, whatever.

Song of the Day

SAVAGE GARDEN

"I Want You"/ Cherry Cola song

Don't lie, Bitches!! You LOVED this song and you know it!

MySpace "Model" Profile of the Day

Lucy Love!

I'm totally confused by this photo!

And grossed out by this one!!!

Is there a market for cross eyed pin up girls that I just don't know about? Whatever!

See more gorgeous photos here!

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=354436613

I Live For This Retarded Shit!!

Playboy is using You Tube to find their 55th Annual Playmate of the Year. Skanks can upload a two minute "audition" video on You Tube!! I could watch this dribble all day long. Baby voices in full effect!

All My Dreams Come True...

How did I not know about this? Too much hotness in one place!!!

Duran Duran and Billy Corgan

Nastiness at the Beach Part II

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Nastiness at the Beach Part I

Okay, so yesterday was Sunday Funday again for me and Gavin. I don't know what the Hell is up with the beach we have started going to but it attracts random riff raff. We don't really care because all we do is people watch the whole time, so at least it's entertaining.

The most exciting thing was the dead shark that had washed up on shore. All the little kids were poking it and touching it with the tip of their shoe then screaming and running away. A lot of people took pictures of it, which I thought was kind of gross. I guess it was kind cool looking in person but if they print out a pic of it or even forward it to their friends it's just going to look like something from the fish market. Whatever.

So anyways, Club Douche decided to make our beach their destination for the day. There were like 6 of them, in their late teens- early 20s, shirtless, of course. I mean, I understand it's the beach but the majority of them kept on their shoes and socks for some weird reason. Like, you could see their "sports socks" above the shoe. Dorks. There happened to be a lot of girls sitting alone at the beach yesterday too so it was only a matter of time before the Douches started showing off. They started with sit ups. One douche would stand on the other douches' feet and they would do as many sit ups as fast as they could. Douchey. Then they just kind of roamed around, pretending they were checking out the beach when really they were seeing if there were any hot girls to specifically target their "douchey-ness" to. Most of the girls had already seen the sit up show and were rolling there eyes. Then the douches saw the shark and that was it. They all came over to it and started poking it. One of them kicked it really hard, maybe hoping it would explode if it had been there in the sun a while. Then they rolled it over. They laughed loudly, then they looked to see if any girls were looking. They weren't. Then one of them tried to cut the fin off which was kind of disturbing but it WAS dead. Still no girls looking. Then they found some plywood. What happened next was truly disgusting. One of them took this long piece of plywood and stuck it in the sharks mouth, trying to shove it thru the shark! Sicko!!!! What a fucking asshole!!! He could only get it so far so then his friend comes up and decides to use HIS piece of plywood as a kind of hammer to hammer the stick down the sharks mouth. What a dick face! God. That kind of thing is why, in general, I hate high school boys. The girls that were laying out started gasping like "Oh my God! What is he doing?" of course, they were so full of themselves that it was like any attention was good attention, but you could tell the girls were disgusted. The little kids at the beach looked scared. Finally the lifeguard saw the shit and grabbed his little orange lifeguard floatie thing (although I have no idea why? To knock the shit out of the douches? I wished.) and started heading down the beach to see the commotion.

And do you know what those motherfucking douches did???? They ran away like the effing pussies they were. They seriously RAN away down the beach! Bitches! One girl was like "Oh wow. Running from the lifeguard, huh? Idiots."

What a bunch of Sissy Assholes!

Quote of the Day!

"Bitch, I don't know your life!"

This beautiful quote comes to us via my roommate, Rich. He is a first class flight attendant who often does the Atlanta turn around. I guess his friend was waiting in line at Kentucky Fried Chicken in Atlanta and this extremely large woman came in and ordered a 36 piece bucket, biscuits, extra hot sauce, extra ranch and a large diet coke. The girl behind the counter goes, "Is that for here or to go?" and the lady ordering goes, "Now, do you think I am going to sit here and eat a 36 piece meal all by myself?" so the cashier goes, "Bitch, I don't know your life!". Rich's friend was laughing so hard he had to run out of the KFC.

Gross.

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