Showing posts with label beach. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beach. Show all posts
Monday, June 2, 2008
Nastiness at the Beach Part I
Okay, so yesterday was Sunday Funday again for me and Gavin. I don't know what the Hell is up with the beach we have started going to but it attracts random riff raff. We don't really care because all we do is people watch the whole time, so at least it's entertaining.
The most exciting thing was the dead shark that had washed up on shore. All the little kids were poking it and touching it with the tip of their shoe then screaming and running away. A lot of people took pictures of it, which I thought was kind of gross. I guess it was kind cool looking in person but if they print out a pic of it or even forward it to their friends it's just going to look like something from the fish market. Whatever.
So anyways, Club Douche decided to make our beach their destination for the day. There were like 6 of them, in their late teens- early 20s, shirtless, of course. I mean, I understand it's the beach but the majority of them kept on their shoes and socks for some weird reason. Like, you could see their "sports socks" above the shoe. Dorks. There happened to be a lot of girls sitting alone at the beach yesterday too so it was only a matter of time before the Douches started showing off. They started with sit ups. One douche would stand on the other douches' feet and they would do as many sit ups as fast as they could. Douchey. Then they just kind of roamed around, pretending they were checking out the beach when really they were seeing if there were any hot girls to specifically target their "douchey-ness" to. Most of the girls had already seen the sit up show and were rolling there eyes. Then the douches saw the shark and that was it. They all came over to it and started poking it. One of them kicked it really hard, maybe hoping it would explode if it had been there in the sun a while. Then they rolled it over. They laughed loudly, then they looked to see if any girls were looking. They weren't. Then one of them tried to cut the fin off which was kind of disturbing but it WAS dead. Still no girls looking. Then they found some plywood. What happened next was truly disgusting. One of them took this long piece of plywood and stuck it in the sharks mouth, trying to shove it thru the shark! Sicko!!!! What a fucking asshole!!! He could only get it so far so then his friend comes up and decides to use HIS piece of plywood as a kind of hammer to hammer the stick down the sharks mouth. What a dick face! God. That kind of thing is why, in general, I hate high school boys. The girls that were laying out started gasping like "Oh my God! What is he doing?" of course, they were so full of themselves that it was like any attention was good attention, but you could tell the girls were disgusted. The little kids at the beach looked scared. Finally the lifeguard saw the shit and grabbed his little orange lifeguard floatie thing (although I have no idea why? To knock the shit out of the douches? I wished.) and started heading down the beach to see the commotion.
And do you know what those motherfucking douches did???? They ran away like the effing pussies they were. They seriously RAN away down the beach! Bitches! One girl was like "Oh wow. Running from the lifeguard, huh? Idiots."
What a bunch of Sissy Assholes!
Monday, May 19, 2008
"The Beach Kicked My Ass!" or "I Ate Shit On PCH"
I think the first photo does a pretty good job of capturing the basic idea of what went down. haha. Me!
I think this one shows how truly difficult it is going to be for me to have lost those beautiful (trashy, ugly, chewed to Hell by Mazzy) chunky sandals.
This one captures the tragic smashing of the crackers. Breathtaking.So I was really excited for Sunday Beachday, yesterday. I got my little beach kit ready (chair, umbrella, blankets, towels, magazines, scripts and food, of course). Around 11:30am, Gavin and I set off. We parked along PCH, maybe 10 minutes North of Santa Monica, and lugged our stuff down to the sand. Spent all day hanging out, drinking (ahem), and lolling about. I, like an idiot, forgot to reapply sunscreen and got effing burned. But the real tragedy of the day is when I ate shit. Hard.
Since Gavin is usually just in charge of the cooler, because it gets so frickin' heavy, I am in charge of the other crap. So here I am, in those ridiculous, Rocket Dog ( I think they are Lucky Brand but they look trashy so call them "chunky sandals" -gross- if you want to) flip flops that give me like 4 inches of height, heading back to the car after a good 5hrs on the beach. I'm balancing my purse, beach bag, umbrella, the beach chair bag and, for some odd reason, a box of crackers. Gavin is maybe 10ft in front of me. I'm getting a little wobbly on those retarded ass shoes of mine and just as I yell to Gavin, "Be careful. Don't fall down", I step on a good size rock and that was all it took. My ankle gave way and as I was falling I just thought to myself, "Well, this is it, you're eating shit so don't throw your hands out to save yourself because you just have wayyyyy too much going on here. Just see where the fall takes you." The fall took me to my motherfucking left knee. All my weight and the weight of the bullshit I was carrying. I'm not sure how Gavin knew I had eaten it. Perhaps I yelped or he just heard the crashing of the "beach kit". The crackers went flying and my shoe was busted to Hell! As much as it hurt, as kind of embarrassing as it was, being right next to PCH at ,like, Super Sunday Traffic time, I couldn't stop laughing. I think the smashed crackers really did it for me. I kind of, sort of, brushed myself off and Gavin, laughing as well, helped me up. My shoes were gonners. I just left them. The crackers were a tragedy and were filled with dirt now anyhow. So I slowly limped along to the car and left the situation behind me. Gavin, the gentleman that he is, insisted on going back for a photo of the crime scene. I wouldn't have done anything differently if he had eaten it. So please, enjoy my little story, relish the photos and wish you had been there to witness it firsthand.
THE END
Thursday, May 8, 2008
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