Sweet (useless) Skillz

I have a lot of useless skills (and knowledge). One such skill is being able to find stuff that most people think they have hidden really well. Ha!

My friend Wil was house sitting for this couple because he was like homeless at the time or needed money or something. I don't remember.

Anyways, he calls me and is like "Dude, the guys' bro who I am house sitting for says they have a shit ton of porn but I can't find it!"

I was like, "Please, it's easy to find. You just have to know where to look."

He's like, "I've looked EVERYWHERE. They must've gotten rid of it."

I'm like, "People don't just toss porn. It's too weird. And you can't just throw it in the trash. Dude, I bet I can find it."

Wil's all, "I'll bet you a million bucks you can't find it. I've already looked everywhere."

I drove over to the house. Wil let me in. I looked around. Very boring. Terrible taste. Kind of like "Young couple who act kind of hardcore with their piercings and his weekend bmx bike tournaments that he makes a little money off of, but house that looks like her mother's Country Home hand me downs".

One of the main things I took in was that they had a kid. A 5yr old girl. So the shit would be up high for sure. Out of her reach. Yet it wouldn't be in a closet because that's the first place anyone tall enough would look. Or let's say a relative came and stayed at the house and went looking for a blanket or towel...busted.

"It's totally going to be in their room somewhere, because if it's true, as the brother says, that they watch all this porn, then they also wouldn't keep the shit in the garage or outside or anything cause after they drink their Maker's Mark and get frisky, it's too much of a pain in the ass to go outside. So, it's totally in their room or at least very close."

I start nosing about and notice in the master bathroom that there is a loft like thing above the bathroom sink. I wouldn't have seen it but they have like a fern up there or some shit. Anyhow, there's a space up there. I'm like "dude, it's totally up there" and Wil's all "What? where?" and I jump up on the sink and peek over the top of the mirror to the "space". Lo and behold. What do mine eyes see? Only like 100 pornos.
Boom. Done. Found.

I grab one of the very few DVD formats (had the husband been holding on to this shit since high school?) and hand it down to Wil. Wil then tells me that I have to leave because he wants to watch the porn and I will make him uncomfortable by being there. "As IF I'd want to be around you while you're touching yourself! sick! However, you do owe me a million dollars. See ya!"

Wil owes me that million dollars to this day.