It's easy in Los Angeles. Get stuck riding the bus and you immediately qualify! Due to a recent set of unfortunate and retarded incidents I find myself without my car and in the position of having to take public transportation. This is extremely poor timing as I just started a new job. Said job requires me to run errands. I am in week two of this job. I know I won't have my own mode of transpo for another few weeks...I don't know how I am going to keep this charade up. Anyhow...I kind of like taking the bus. I miss singing along to my favorite songs in the car but that's about it. I can read on the bus, text my peeps, people watch and daydream. I've noticed though that whenever the subject of me taking the bus comes up most people are horrified. ??? Lately I've been wishing I lived in NY where it's just a part of life/work and seems romantic and chic. I imagine assistant fashion editor's reading WWD and drinking Starbucks on the way to work. In Los Angeles it's me and, like, foreigners and the hired help. But you miss out on so many things when you have never ever experienced The Bus. Things like this:
1) Old European Women Telling You About Their Irregularity- This happened last week on my way home. The bus stop in front of The Grove on Fairfax and 3rd is like the Foreign Geriatric Central. Only ancient people who probably failed their driving test by blowing through a stop sign or never even learned how to drive are waiting at this stop. So last week this older woman, in her 60's - 70's gets on at The Grove. After a few stops she made eye contact. Shit. She got up and sat next to me. "Do you smell that? He SMELLS." She was referring to some rather large homeless man who had gotten on the bus at the same time as her. Yes, of course I smelled him but since it was more like an "old shoe" smell rather than piss and feces, I wasn't freaking out. I gave her a look like "Gosh, I know" but made sure it looked empathetic to the man, not shitty and grossed out. She started talking and asking questions within 10 seconds. "What are you reading? Eees eet goot?" She has a very strong accent. "I was born in Yugoslavia. I had no children. My husband, he died young so we had no children." "What is that book about? Is it funny? Who are you going to vote for? Do you like this, uh, this uh, vooman, ah...Sarah?" I was keeping up with polite answers until she got to her bowel movements.
"Do you ever have this problem of not going?" I was totally confused at first. "Going?"
"Yes, I haven't gone in 2 days. I ate an apple today and I am hoping maybe tomorrow. Do you think? I have this problem sometimes."
OMG. She was letting me know she has shitting problems. All I could say was, "Um, yeah, you should be okay. Yeah, probably tomorrow."
2) You Won't Ever Know the Excitement of Carrying a Knife on You!- Yes, I carry a small hunting knife. It's an ex boyfriend's which yeah, is kind of weird, but he and his douchey brother's probably thought it was bad ass to carry it on their family trips to Wyoming. Whatever, I inherited it by default after a breakup. I found it in a "Toiletries" drawer of mine. Finders Keepers, Asshole. I mean, I'm not too nervous about taking the bus but that recent story about the dude who decapitated that kid on the Greyhound in Canada just makes me feel like "It could happen." Plus, waiting around on Fairfax and Wilshire is not my favorite place. I think I've got the guts to stab a bitch if and when it comes down to it.
I just keep telling myself that all this builds character. Right?
Ugh. It fuckin' sucks.
1) Old European Women Telling You About Their Irregularity- This happened last week on my way home. The bus stop in front of The Grove on Fairfax and 3rd is like the Foreign Geriatric Central. Only ancient people who probably failed their driving test by blowing through a stop sign or never even learned how to drive are waiting at this stop. So last week this older woman, in her 60's - 70's gets on at The Grove. After a few stops she made eye contact. Shit. She got up and sat next to me. "Do you smell that? He SMELLS." She was referring to some rather large homeless man who had gotten on the bus at the same time as her. Yes, of course I smelled him but since it was more like an "old shoe" smell rather than piss and feces, I wasn't freaking out. I gave her a look like "Gosh, I know" but made sure it looked empathetic to the man, not shitty and grossed out. She started talking and asking questions within 10 seconds. "What are you reading? Eees eet goot?" She has a very strong accent. "I was born in Yugoslavia. I had no children. My husband, he died young so we had no children." "What is that book about? Is it funny? Who are you going to vote for? Do you like this, uh, this uh, vooman, ah...Sarah?" I was keeping up with polite answers until she got to her bowel movements.
"Do you ever have this problem of not going?" I was totally confused at first. "Going?"
"Yes, I haven't gone in 2 days. I ate an apple today and I am hoping maybe tomorrow. Do you think? I have this problem sometimes."
OMG. She was letting me know she has shitting problems. All I could say was, "Um, yeah, you should be okay. Yeah, probably tomorrow."
2) You Won't Ever Know the Excitement of Carrying a Knife on You!- Yes, I carry a small hunting knife. It's an ex boyfriend's which yeah, is kind of weird, but he and his douchey brother's probably thought it was bad ass to carry it on their family trips to Wyoming. Whatever, I inherited it by default after a breakup. I found it in a "Toiletries" drawer of mine. Finders Keepers, Asshole. I mean, I'm not too nervous about taking the bus but that recent story about the dude who decapitated that kid on the Greyhound in Canada just makes me feel like "It could happen." Plus, waiting around on Fairfax and Wilshire is not my favorite place. I think I've got the guts to stab a bitch if and when it comes down to it.
I just keep telling myself that all this builds character. Right?
Ugh. It fuckin' sucks.
one of these mornings i'm going to ride the bus too, just to see what it's like
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