The Bus Will Make You Want to Kill a Bitch. For Reals.

This evening I got on the bus. I was tired. I just wanted to get home. Like, maybe 2 minutes after I got on I smelt it. Oh Gawd. Someone had some mean ass diarreah farts for sure. They kept coming. Kind of lightly but still, consistently and powerfully. I was starting to get pissed. "Alright! Okay, THAT's enough" I was saying in my mind. I was convinced it was this old toothless, homeless dude who was talking to himself. So, therefore, I felt kind of bad for him. What do you do when you are homeless and have a terrible stomachache? But then it hit me (literally, dude). It was totally the old ass asian man next to me. And it wasn't his ass, it was his fucking breaf! Ugh! Bitch had a rotten tooth or a stomach infection. And this dude was fully facing the front of the bus so his rotten ass breaf was reaching to the side and into my face! I tried to read my magazine but they kept coming. I was getting increasingly pissed. You are just not allowed to breathe out your mouth on the bus. You're not. You shouldn't anyways because, to me, it is the polite thing to do. Especially at the end of the day after coffee and smoke breaks. Barf.
But no. This mutherfucker kept up his mouthbreathing. And then it happened. His cell phone rang. Oh shit. I wouldve changed seats had there been an empty one. No dice. I knew his mutherfucking dragon breath would keep coming and reach me. It did. I finally quit being nice and had to hold my sweatshirt over my nose. I didn't give a Hell if someone thought I was crazy. This was THE BUS if no one had noticed. FUCK this FUCKERY!
This disgusting experience gave me a few ideas:
1) The Metro System needs to make Breath Strips MANDATORY when you board the bus. Not gum so I don't have to deal with all these assholes sticking their gum under the seats. Breath Strips (reinforced with bleach and hydrogen peroxide perhaps?) for everyone boarding the bus. NO exceptions.
2) Coupons for dentistry for each bus patron. Help out these broke down fools with a bad toof.

Save the rest of us, please.