Dear Jesus!

I was just IMing my friend EJ when this story came to mind...
As I've complained about in this blog before, I had to go to Christian School. As much as I hated it at the time, it totally gave me miles and miles of material/ stories/ ruined my psyche...One of my favorite stories occurred during a Prayer Request. Before EACH class (7 classes a day = a little excessive) the teachers would take 'prayer requests'. One day before Science, this kind of slow girl, Sacha, raised her hand to share her request.
Sacha-"I have a request."
Teacher- "Go ahead."
Sacha closed her eyes and offered this:
"Dear Jesus, please don't let my sister's boyfriend do to me again what he did last night."
Silence.
Ooookkayyy...
This was very awkward for everyone in the room. I don't even think the teacher ever did anything about it. Nice Christian school.
She should have been talking to the school nurse, not putting in a "Prayer Request." Shit.

This Woman Has Had Three Children!

This photo makes me feel really bad about myself but its so amazing that I am going to post it anyways. I cannot believe that Shauna Sand has had 3 kids. Well, I did see the photos of her Frankennipples and her hanging cooter but still! Good for you Shauna Sand! And she has GOT to be perched on the front of her lucite heels...how is she not sinking??? Skillz.

Seriously, Fuck You, Person

I live in an apartment building full of wannabe actor douche types. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to slap a ho in the face and say, "Bitch, you'll be back home in Nebraska with your 499 left over head shots before you can say "Craig Clemmens the party promoter gave me herpes. Get OUT of my face!"

But usually I suffer through the elevator ride being smothered by some cheap Victoria's Secret body spray called "Angel Love" or some such idiocy.

Anyways, today I went into the laundry room. Some asshole decided to wash the shag rug from 1978 that smelled like his dog pissed and then died on it. Motherfucker. Seriously? I had to pull 800 bits of yellow plastic out of the washer before I could put my stuff in. And like I really wanted to wash ANY thing that will ever touch my body in the remnants of that nastiness??? I went to the other washer which this douche sauce asshole had also not taken his finished wash out of. Either the person has serious onion BO or they wiped up some kind of onion spill with it. OMG. The Washer smelled like some old Italian's armpit. For reals. I find that so annoying. It's bad enough that we have to share a Goddamn washing machine with people who do God knows what in their private time. (Um usually what comes to mind is like dudes jerking off into their skidded underwear then letting it dry, then putting it in the same mutherfucking washing machine that I am going to have to put my towels and t-shirts in. GAWD!".)

If apartment living isn't enough to drive you to become at least wealthy enough to buy a sanitizing front loading washer and dryer, I don't know what is. BARF.

Song of the Day!

Kenny Rogers

THE GAMBLER

This song makes me want to get wasted on moonshine at a Ho- Down! Shit!

IM of the Day!

EJ [4:45 PM]:
i love that girl
i want to get crabs from her

ME [4:46 PM]:
Im sure I can arrange that

EJ [4:46 PM]:
hell a deaf mute puppy could arrange that

Salvidore Dali Was Kind of a Hot Bitch!

I'm not a Dali fan...not into his melting shit. Call me ignorant. I'm much more impressed by his hotel behavior. It seems kind of harmless actually. But fun.

To the staff of Le Meurice hotel in Paris, where he was a frequent guest during his later years, Dalí's obsession with animals was a bit of a nuisance, to say the least. The father of surrealism, who died in 1989 at the age of 84, often brought two pet ocelots along to the pricey landmark, and the wildcats' tendency to use the walls and floors of the Suite Royal as a scratching post left the room in tatters. That's not all: He once demanded a horse be delivered to his room, and on another occasion ordered up a herd of sheep. Upon their arrival (yes, the hotel was that accommodating), Dalí shot at the little lambs with a gun containing blanks. He also had the hotel staff catch flies for him in the Tuileries garden, paying them per fly. But at least Dalí knew he was a difficult guest: He tipped his favorite staff each Christmas with autographed lithographs of his work, some of which could now be worth up to $12,000.

Awesome Stuff

I have no idea what this is but I got it from FormulaWerks and it's awesome.

Click on the video to see the whole thing/ not cropped.

**Note how the boys pick up a couple of Not Hot Bitches. That's always how it was in Jr. High. The not hot bitches would let the boys 'touch the magic'. I get it.

Thanks FormulaWerks! http://www.formulawerks.com/site/

Audrina Patridge Boob Watch

Oh Sick! These things look tortured, used and abused!

Song of the Day

DJ Tameil Vs. Swizz Beats
"IT'S ME BITCHES!"

Buy This Stuff

I used a Sephora Gift Card that was hanging around to purchase the products mentioned below. However, even if you don't have a gift card at your disposal, these items are fairly inexpensive.

I am now a huge fan of KORRES. They use only the highest quality plant extracts and no synthetic ingredients. This Fig shower gel smells like...well, Fig I guess, but it's this awesome mix of flowers/fruit/pepper.

$13.00 at Sephora

Okay, so a few posts ago I ragged on NARS. I am still very wary of their products but since they are my favorite colors I will use up what I have and then *sigh* not buy anymore. I hope they get an organic line going at some point in the future...ANYWAYS, I also purchased the LipGloss Duo. It's a stain on one end and a gloss on the other. All of the color combinations are beautiful but the one duo that stands out as something that would look good on everyone is the Rose Biram/ Chihuahua one.

$28.00 at Sephora...er...not so cheap, but it's like getting 2 in 1!

Because I am extremely retarded and not ambidextrous, painting my own nails can be a real bitch. I decided to try out these new tear off nail thingys. They are awesome. It took me like 5 minutes to get them on just right but after a little practice it got easier. I didn't have to worry about spilling it or all the fucking coats and all that jazz. Best $10 I ever spent on my nails!!

$10.00 at Sephora (sephora brand)

Adorable Person of the Day!

I'm sorry, but today it goes to my little bitch of a brother!Congrats, Ass Wipe!

What the shit???? Unhealthy!

Okay, I have never understood why some rich people's kids eat total shit. Look at the picture above! Just look at it!!! Cheetos! Sunkist SODA!!! and fucking WHITE BREAD? Are you kidding me? I also notice that Britney has had the crust cut off of her own bread but not her children's! Good God. I used to nanny for this family who were fucking bajilliionaires and when they had to feel their children dinner the kids would get regular old pasta with BUTTER! My Hell? Of course when I was in charge of dinner it needed to have nutritional value (veggies/ fruits/ water, not juice for drink) or when the housekeeper got asked to make her enchiladas she had to make enough to last all GD week so the parents had to only heat it up for lunch and snacks (conVENient!) and she had to make it JUST SO. These people and Britney have more money than God and they could afford entirely organic meals. I don't get these lazy bitches. Plus, its not like they'll have to make the shit! That's what nannies and maids (= SLAVES) are for!

Mazzy Photo of the Day

This is Lamb Sauce sunning himself on the 4th of July weekend.

OMG. Butt Water For Sure.

This disgusting douche from Xenia, OH decided to wash his ass, dick, nuts and all his other parts in the sink at the Burger King he worked at. Delicious! He was fired but that's just not enough. Even the trashtastic people who were regulars there are not going back. Expect this store to fold. Just another reason not to eat fast food.

Also, CHINAsaurs? ahahaha!

Thanks to Gavin for finding this one. :)

She Didn't Turn White...She Turned Yellow!

Whatever.

Oh My Hell.

The Spanish national basketball team, gold medal contenders at the Olympics in Beijing, was featured in a full page ad that shows the team pulling back at their eyes in a slanty-eyed gesture. According to the Guardian, the ad (which is for a freight company) ran in a Spanish newspaper.

Via TMZ: http://www.tmz.com/2008/08/11/spanish-bball-team-takes-their-eyes-off-the-ball/

Gavin "Quotes of the Weekend!"

Quote #1-- "I see fruit flies fucking all the time!"

Quote #2-- "It's an AWEsome thing to do!" -regarding getting drunk

Quote #3-- "You look like a pirate maid."

"What?? I look like a slut???"

" No! No, you're like the chick that gets the pirates their shots and stuff but then if

they get out of line you let them have it."

No More NARS...I'm sad.

NARS is seriously my favorite make up line. I just purchased a new blush AND eyeshadow last week. Then today I decided to look up how "toxic" their make up was using my favorite new site: http://cosmeticsdatabase.com/index.php and now I am filled with sadness. The range goes from 1-8 (8 being highly toxic). My blush is a Goddamn 7!!! and the eyeshadows are too!
Ingredients in this product are linked to:
Cancer
Developmental/reproductive toxicity
Violations, Restrictions & Warnings
Allergies/immunotoxicity

Other concerns for ingredients used in this product: Neurotoxicity, Endocrine disruption, Persistence and bioaccumulation, Organ system toxicity (non-reproductive), Multiple, additive exposure sources, Irritation (skin, eyes, or lungs), Enhanced skin absorption, Contamination concerns, Occupational hazards, Biochemical or cellular level changes

I would feel retarded to continue using their products. Assholes!!! It may be too late for me but...save yourselves!!

http://cosmeticsdatabase.com/index.php

Tranny Corner

I see a lot of trannies on the corner of La Brea and Santa Monica. It's not as good as Highland and Santa Monica for tranny spotting (which has Donut Time where I saw a tranny dressed like Aunt Jemima- for reals!) but it has it's fair share. About a week ago I saw some meth faced guy talking to some tranny looking thing and he looked all nervous and the tranny just kept talking and talking to him. I'm pretty sure he was about to get a BJ behind the JACK IN THE BOX right there.

Anyways, I saw this tranny a few weeks ago doing a "Beautiful Hands" dance. The part I got on camera is kind of toned down from what he was doing only a moment before but it's still interesting. Is this some kind of secret sign language for prostitutes??

Doesn't That Hurt???

This photo of Audrina Patridge looks so gross to me. Why is her skin all weird like that? This side boob shot is scaring me. Why is the skin folding and dividing like that??? I feel like there's too much pressure on that implant and it's about to blow! That is not natural. Gross.

IM of the Day

EJ [4:17 PM]:
google search joyce mckinney and theres a few photos
shes a whore

Me [4:18 PM]:
yes. I love whores
they make me look better
wait.
no they dont
they make me look boring
Okay I like ugly whores

EJ [4:19 PM]:
dirty dirty whores

Me [4:19 PM]:
yeah/ i like those kind best

Song of the Day

CRYSTAL CASTLES

"Vanished"

FAIL II !!

FAIL!

Thanks to FAILBLOG: http://failblog.org/page/2/

Song of the Day!

Ali Lohan

"All The Way Around"

Since I own and know all the words to Lindsay Lohan's SPEAK, it feels like sacrilege to say this...but Ali sounds a lot better then Linds.

TEETH

I watched this movie last night. It was awesome and lead to one of the very rare arguments that I have with my boyfriend.

All the hottest bitch charachters are named "Dawn"! Dawn O'Keefe, Dawn Weiner (congrats on the lesbian engagement!)...

Disgusting!

Really? REALLY?
I was driving up Hollywood Blvd, ironically enough, when I finally heard this piece of shit song with a TERRIBLE message. I was like, "WHO sings this annoying ass song!?" Should I been surprised to find out it was the SMELLY CAT DOLLS? No. If I EVER caught my daughter singing this retarded song or rocking out to the video I would slap the Hell out of her! And if you really should "be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it" then I don't think these hos really wished to be famous and for "rubies" (???). I think they obviously wished to become $10 tranny hookers on the Boulevard!
NAST!

Awesome...

HAPPY FRIDAY!

Bert on the drums is hot shit!

Sad and Boring

I'm so excited for the Beverly Hills 90210 remake...for different reasons than everyone else. I wasn't allowed to watch it. I know, I know. I have no idea why I actually listened! I was totally robbed of a childhood experience. I had to learn about condoms and date rape from Degrassi Jr High. (I can't remember if I was "allowed" to watch that either. Maybe my mom was fooled into thinking it was 'educational' since I think it was on PBS or something. That shit was rough!!)

Anyways, I saw the first photo shoot from it. UGH! Boring. What's wrong with the stylist? They played it too safe and it came out like shit! Peach? So dangerous!!

This Outfit is TRAGIC