Song of the Day!

YELLE

"A CAUSE DES GARCONS" TEPR Remix

My Family Is So Loud...but we have fun...

Dudes are Disgusting Animals...But Whatever...

Okay, please don't think I just have dick on the brain BUT check out this hilarious review of the "Fleshlight". Its a sex toy for dudes. (Obviously)


Fleshlight is AmazingRating:
Submitted 2008-10-28By 29 from USA
I'm a little bigger than average and sex toys are usually either too shallow or too tight but the Fleshlight never disappoints as it's 8 inches deep. I like to put it between my mattress and box spring (wrap a towel around it to make sure the case doesn't break) and bang it. I have ridiculous orgasms with my Fleshlight.

Holy Shit! Dude, relax. And try to get a 'real' girlfriend!

Failblog...I love you.

Fuck YOU, Time Warner Cable

I am home, it is cold outside and all I want to do is sit around and watch my shows (Bad Girls Club season 2, Made, True Hollywood Story, anything on the soap channels) and the fucking cable keeps sketching out! I should seriously not have to pay for an entire day of interrupted QUALITY television! This is bullshit!

Thank God for Florida!

It brings us stories like this:

(Miami, FL) This chick, Meagan McCormick (22) wanted to win back some ex-boyfriend of hers so she invented a story about a having a baby that was his. Apparently, the "fact" that he had fathered a child with her wasn't enough to get him to come around so she stepped it up a notch. She told him that "their" 5 month old son had been kidnapped. On Christmas day she went on TV in Florida and pleaded for the return of their child. The ex choked back tears as he said "I don't understand. It's Christmas." All this is well and a good enough trashtastic story. However, the BEST part of the story is Meagan's description of her missing baby. She described him as having a mohawk, a single tooth and a fake tattoo. Yes, all on a 5 month old baby. This is one bitchin baby. Also she said that she had last seen the baby when she left him with her "nanny" (ahem...hahah) named Camille, who had a french accent and a gap between her teeth.

If this bitch is convicted then she will have to pay the authorities back for the cost of their false search. Amazing. I assume there is also not much hope left in getting back her ex. What a dumb bitch.

Ah...Love...

I'm watching Family Court with Judge Perry and this wife is suing her husband for not helping her cook more. His defense is that he makes "good ramen noodles" and tried to prove he is a great husband because one time he blindfolded her took her to the Houston mall, walked her up to the food court and told her she could have "whatever she wanted". This shit was amazing.

How Do You Tell Them Apart?

Did anyone else ever have trouble telling these bitches apart? You've got Meredith Salenger, Justine Bateman and Daphne Zuniga and they look like some weird combination of 80s triplets!
I need to take moment here to say "thank you" to my grandma who put up with me renting Meredith's "The Journey of Natty Gann" every weekend during grade school. That shit was so fucking hot. When that gross dude tries to cop a feel on Natty, her sweet wolf dog busts thru the glass window of the truck and bites his ass! It also stars John Cusak so its totally awesome.

Quote of the Day!

"Oh My God. This fucking pump is broken! My hands are bleeding. Im like JESUS!! My car smells like asshole! I'm like Mike Douglas in FALLING DOWN today. I'm really gonna snap!!"

-to remain annoymous. However, it reminded me so much of my own mother that I had to use this quote.

Song of the Day!

Thanks BDEY for introducing me to the hottest Christmas song ever. It's your song of the day, people.

Sufjan Stevens

"Put The Lights On The Tree"

Do you want to feel kind of uncomfortable but also laugh but then feel bad about yourself?

Then watch this shit! It's awesome! I never watched the video when the song came out even though its old as Hell. Its pretty good jerk off material if you are kinda hard up (ahem). And get me this casting director's phone number! Normally I find that casting directors cant hire hot chicks for shit but they got it right here. Must've been a dude CD.

Rehab: Party at the Hardrock

Amazing.

Thanks to: http://www.thedirty.com/

Song of the Day

"Out of This World"

THE CURE

make sure you listen to this one on really good speakers. It seems to make the song.

IM of the Day!

17:44] EJ: dude i never get to talk about crapping.

This Child Scares Me

Thanks Failblog:http://failblog.org/page/5/
see more pwn and owned pictures

Awesome Shows: "Model Latina"

Um, awesome show with a TERRIBLE Challenge Prize.

Some poor chick on 'Model Latina' (siTV) just won her challenge and her prize was a Gift Card to PAYLESS SHOES for ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS.

O.M.F.G.

Whaaaa????

I mean, a LESS awful prize would have been a gift certificate to Payless for only FIFTY bucks! Then you wouldn't be walking around with a hundred bucks still left on your "gift" card that you can't get rid of cause you can't find enough decent shit at Payless to buy! Fuck, man. That is just mean.

MySpace Sluts Using Their "Fame" For Something Good

Here's Forbidden using her myspace 'fame' to bring attention to something I find worthwhile.

I guess whatever it takes, you know?
This reminds me though, it's totally time to bring back:
"MYSPACE 'MODEL' OF THE DAY!"

Who Thinks This Looks Like Me?

Fucking weird, right?
It's supposed to be Brit Brit but I think it kind of looks like my own flat pie face...Am I alone here?

Things I Cannot FUCKING Wait For!!!!

"A Double Shot At Love"!

Oh yesssssssssssss. This is going to be a skank-a-thon like no other. I mean, wtf? The "Ikki" Twins? Obvi, the Icky Twins. They are below average HomeTown Hookers. But whatever, cause you know I'll watch this shit. I think it should end with them both getting together in the end and choosing each other instead of anyone else. Up the nasty factor! Hotness. Watch all the way til the end of the trailer where the one sister pushes the other sister off of that Beautiful and classy high heel shoe chair. I've always wanted one of those gems! Then the one sister says, "Whore". It's magical.

Excuse Me...I think I'll just go kill myself now...

Bridezillas are fucking Gross!

I am obsessed with this disgusting train wreck of a show, "Bridezillas" on We. First off, um, why is every chick on that show a fat slob? Not just chunky, but like a fat, slobby, mass of grossness. Second, their attitudes are so nasty and disgusting that the attitude, paired with the nasty gross fatness is just overkill. Who ARE the dudes that looked at these women and said "I want me that for the REST of my life"? WHO ARE YOU? I know that there is a level of "hamming it up for the camera" but still. I mean, one of the last chicks from tonight's marathon had WHISKERS growing out of her chin. And not just like one weird one; it was her WHOLE GD chin!!! And she was super shitty to her fiance! I don't get it. All those men need to grow some balls, call those women out on being fat cunts and walk away.

Never happens.

I need to go watch more episodes now.

Cool Stuff

These new perfumes from Gwen Stefani are so hot! There's "Love", "Angel", "Music", "Baby" and "G". I got the 2 below and they smell awsome.

Everyone's Saturday Night Should Look Like This!

Amy Winehouse, you are such my Hero, you don't even know. Well...er...in my 'fantasy life'. Wait, Idea. Can chick do a "Fantasy Life League" like dudes do those lame Football ones? Like, we should be able to pick 3 celebs each and track them over a few months. There should be points for DUIs, getting knocked up, getting drunk, dating a new dude, any kind of cosmetic procedure, walking the red carpet at your own event...I would loooove this game!

Song of the Day!

"You Can Do Magic"

America

Cute.

ha ha!

null - Watch more free videos

FBRN Available Baby of the Day

The very handsome, Thomas!

At 32lbs, he's a rather big boy and loooook at that face! Omg.

"Thomas is a lover, a loafer and a submissive laid-back fellow. He is happiest around people, and is perfectly content to fall asleep at your feet when watching television, reading in bed, or working at a desk."

http://www.frenchbulldogrescue.org/htdocs/available/thomas.html

Bitches, Don't Do It!

This is my plea to those lovely (seeming) Disney chickadees, Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato; Please don't become typical Hollywood Sluts.

As much as I enjoy the gossip blog posts about this or that Ho Bag who either got caught doing blow or giving someone a chaste handjob in a club bathroom, I feel that the younger girls of this Nation need just a few good influences. So far the worst offense that either of these 2 have committed might be one of their retarded youtube videos or the fact that Demi falls down (actually she's really eaten shit a few times) a lot during her concerts. I'm sure whichever Jonas Bro that's dating Selena or Demi (I don't remember) has gotten to cop a pretty good feel when their handlers left the room once or twice but, really, that's fine. However, let's keep it there for a while, shall we? There's all the time in the world to be a skank, but later on an out of the eyes of America's pre-teens. Please choose NOT to be "normal" cause "normal high school" behavior frightens me these days...I mean, I think about when I was in high school. Jesus! Next thing these girls know, their name is "Christine" Hansen and their drunk off their ass at a party humping the lawn furniture for a group of High School football players to enjoy.

Or their name is CF and they're pulling a train on 2 dudes up against the bathroom sink at yet another high school party. Or then their name is AD and they're getting caught (supposedly "only") dry humping BW in the back of a Ford Explorer and then you go to college and let JR jizz all over your sweater and hair...and it's all just downhill from there...
So little Bitches, stay strong and keep your Kitties covered!

Song of the Day

Kanye West

HEARTLESS

Again, I owe this post to Megan Pope who has hot taste in music for a white chick. ;)

Hot Piece of the Day!

CHRIS PONTIUS!

However...I don't recommend looking for the NSFW version...He's totally pulling on his weenie to make it look longer and bigger. Then I was informed that he is like, 5'4" and I got real sad. So maybe his peen just looks big because he's so very small. But seriously, I saw him in person and he did NOT look 5'4"...but maybe was blinded by his Party Boy aura? Whatever.

IM of the Day!

Me (1:33:57 PM): I just ate some amazing vegan food

Me (1:34:09 PM): Native Foods

EJ (1:34:32 PM): oooh yum

EJ (1:34:40 PM): lupita made tuna burgers. they smelled like rotten puss

Song of the Day

The Game ft Lil Wayne
MY LIFE
This song is so fucking hotttt! Thanks to Meg Pope for playing it for me.

Quote of the Day!

"(Tisk) Give me the baby, eh? They are gonna go fight those guys."

-Exasperated, extremely hard core cholita mom, at Santee Alley today when 2 of the middle school aged boys she had with her decided to go "fight" some other boys down the alley. Then 2 middle school aged girls wanted to run off to watch it. One of them was carrying the cholita mom's baby so that's when she said the above quote.

She also wins my "Mother of the Week" award for being such a hot chola mom with amazing values!

It was like a scene straight out of the hottest Chola Mom Movie ever:

MI VIDA LOCA

"That's if you're down for your shit, Bitch."

Movie to Rent: "IDIOCRACY"

This movie came on the other night and Gavin was loving it. I had totally forgotten about it (I had seen it a few years ago) but its fucking hilarious. The trailer doesn't really do it justice, so instead I'll give you my favorite line,

"You talk like a fag and your shit's all retarded!"

Song of the Day (Lame Edition)

COLDPLAY
Lovers in Japan
This song is fucking retarded. Here's the thing; I LIKE it. But can Coldplay please stray from their "ethereal-resounding-floaty-deep" shit for ONE effing song? Yeah, I kinda want to do a shimmy dance at their concert when this shit comes on, but I also want to use it to start out my (non-existent) workout at the gym or (dear God) its the kind of shit I would have listened to with my ex.
ANYWAYS, it still gets "song of the day" but not for any other good reason but that I don't really like to post 2 songs in one day. They got it by default and that's no prize.
Whatever. Here, listen:

Then listen to like Clocks or Viva La Vida for something I think is actually kinda good.

FBNR Available Baby of the Day

This is going to be a new Daily Category. Now, I was conflicted about this. I want all these little Bunnies (my pet name for all puppies and small children) to go to the best homes possible and so I thought to myself, "Well, what if it's only a bunch of assholes reading my blog? I certainly don't want a bunch of assholes adopting these bunnies!" but then I had to Let Go and Let God in this situation. If you can provide a good home for these babies or know someone who can, then you should. Or, if you are so inclined, you can just donate to them...

Today's Bunny is : RAMBO!

For More Info- http://frenchbulldogrescue.org/htdocs/available/rambo.html

Beautiful Poetry by My Cousin

Dude, I just found this on my cousin's myspace profile. It's amazing. I didn't know she was such a Poet! I think it might be about how she's gone Lesbo now that she's effed her way through every asshole piece of shit in Southern California. She joined a Lesbian Online Dating site and I think that's what this must be about...Just a guess. Try not to cry.

Wait, are these song lyrics?

iv'e always been the kind of girl that hid my face,so afraid to tell the world what iv'e got to say,but i had this dream right inside of me, im gonna let it show it's time to let you know, this is real this is me im exactly where im sopossed to be now, gonna let the light shine on me, now iv'e found who i am there's no way to hold it in, no more hiding who i want to be, this is me. Do you know what it's like to feel so in the dark to dream about a light when your the shinning star, even though it seems like it's to far away, iv'e got to belive in myself it's the only way...no more lies.every body wants to live happily ever after, divine, fantasy, like a dream, never ends, fairy tales are in my head, and in my head they start, to tell you that the deepest thoughts that live inside my heart,i guess thats why im the king of my castle!why dont people understand we are all the same,we all get lost at times, some one elses pain is not for gain, sticks and stones wont break my soul, get out of my way im invincible, broken down, feeling out of my element, like im walking on broken glass,like my world is spinnin in slow motin and it's movin to fast,im right ,im wrong, im weak and im strong, it's just like that, watch the chemicals react.. feels like im drifting into the sea, and the tides pullin me in deeper makin it harder to breathe, i can not deny how i feel inside. life is good i cant complain, i mean i could but no one is listening. im like a roller coaster ride im holding on so tight, up and down and side to side every inch of me is like WHOA!

This is for me and EJ and our other ent. peeps

1. Forgetting to relax: While some stress can be good because it keeps you alert and motivated, too much stress or chronic stress will take its toll on your body. In fact, stress can cause a wide-array of problems including: cancer, heart disease, headaches, upset stomach, sleeping problems, muscle tension, weight gain/loss, high blood pressure and chest pains.
2. Eating on the go: Between meetings, conference calls and deadlines, who has time to sit down for a healthy lunch? But a healthy, balanced meal of complex carbohydrates, protein, fruits and vegetables is exactly what you need to stay mentally sharp throughout the day. Beware of frozen meals, fast food and processed food; they can be high in sodium, calories and fat.
3. Putting off sleep for work: Even busy professionals need seven to nine hours of sleep every night. Skimping on sleep can cause irritability, difficulty concentrating, memory problems and poor judgment. It has also been linked to obesity. If you have troubles sleeping at night, avoid bringing work to bed, limit caffeine and alcohol consumption and develop a relaxing routine before bedtime, such as light reading or a warm bath. If you still cannot sleep, seek the help of an expert.
4. Not making time for exercise: Humans were not designed to sit at desks for eight hours or more a day. Getting at least 30 minutes of exercise most days is very important to your immediate and future health. In addition to reducing the risk for nearly every major disease, exercise has been shown to help fight anxiety and depression. By hitting the gym before or after work or walking during lunch, even the busiest person can find time to squeeze in exercise.
5. Working even when sick: Everyone has heard, "don't come to work if you're sick," yet that's exactly what many do. Whether you're worried about jeopardizing your job in an unstable economy or just anxious about getting behind, there are three common sense reasons to stay home: Nobody wants your germs, you'll be less productive and you need your rest to get better.
6. Drinking (too much): The saying "too much of a good thing" certainly applies to alcohol. Research has shown that moderate alcohol consumption can reduce your risk for everything from heart disease to rheumatoid arthritis, with "moderate" being the key word. In general, men should have no more than two drinks per day (1.5 oz. of spirits, 5 oz. of wine or 12 oz. of beer) and women who are not pregnant should limit themselves to one drink per day. Remember, the risks of excessive drinking far outweigh the benefits of alcohol consumption and can lead to alcoholism, liver disease and some forms of cancer.Instead of drinking several cocktails to cope with stress or unwind after a busy day, try sipping herbal tea, meditation or yoga.
7. Skipping annual medical checkups: In order to detect problems early, prevent others from developing and get the best treatment if you have a condition, you need to know what's going on in your body. Depending on your age, family history and lifestyle, consider a comprehensive medical checkup and special screenings every one to five years. Consult with your doctor for more information.
"Eventually, something's going to give. If you keep burning the candle at both ends, the flame will burn out," Griffing said. "But if you maintain a healthy balance, you will be happier and healthier overall."

George Griffing, M.D., professor of internal medicine at Saint Louis University

No Words...No Words...

Thanks forever and ever to MK of Dlisted for this gem.

Happy Birthday to Mazzy Lamb!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!

Song of the Day!

"2 Become 1"

Spice Girls

All teenagers should totally lose their virginity to this song while their parents are out of town.

It's Mazzy's 2nd Birfday!

Mazzy Lamb turns two today! Devastating!

In honor of his 2nd birfday I am posting the vid from 2 Christmases ago that my brother took. It's super boring to anyone outside my family...or even to anyone but me but it's my blog so suck a fat one if you don't like it. Also, it shows my sister acting retarded and she hates this vid so just concentrate on the pure puppy perfection that is Mazzy Lamb.

(Oh and he came with that awful name, Dax. Obviously its changed.)

Pinkberry

Why the Hell don't they deliver???

Song of the Day!

MGMT

"Time To Pretend"

Acoustic Version by Mason Van Valin. He's cool.

Daily Cuteness!

Martha Stewart's Frenchies, Francesca and Sharkey.

Haha.

Artwork by Poster Boy. NY subway.

Daily Cuteness!

Mazzy Lamb, of course.

Quote of the Day!

"Once, in college, I pooped my pants a little bit at a Country Steaks All-U-Can-Eat Buffet, and I didn't leave...until I finished my second plate of shrimp."

Liz Lemon

I know she's not real and that its from like the 1st season but I don't give a Hell!

IM of the Day!

R (4:33:01 PM): wait can I add to my bberry?
E (4:40:43 PM): i dont know how to do that shit but i suppose
R (4:41:57 PM): oh nevermind then. I dont give a hell!
E(4:47:04 PM): FINE be that way
R (4:48:57 PM): fine. be a butt!
E(4:49:10 PM): fine in YOUR FACE
R (4:49:28 PM): eat my ass with a spoon!
E(4:50:24 PM): and some honey? ok...if you're into that kinda thing i guess....
R(4:54:19 PM): My friend RJ and I (whoa, RJ!) always say "why dont you eat some chunky salsa out of my ass"
R (4:54:23 PM): it works really great
R (4:54:35 PM): sometimes he'll say he has had a homeless man marinating some in his ass
E (4:54:35 PM): oooooh tasty
R (4:54:41 PM): for awhile
R (4:54:45 PM): just special for me
R (4:54:46 PM): see
R (4:55:00 PM): there's this salsa at Trader Joes called "chunky salsa"
R (4:55:02 PM): it makes us sick
E (4:55:06 PM): ahhaahaha
R (4:55:10 PM): "chunky" is an awful word
E (4:55:22 PM): i like chunky
E (4:55:24 PM): i like words

Song of the Day

"Break it Down Again"

Tears For Fears

I FUCKING LOVE this song. Check out the video some hot monkey person made out of an AWESOME Jean Claude Van Damme movie!!! This day is awesome already!

Song of the Day

"Slow Hands"

Interpol

Don't Ever Let This Chola Cut Your Hair!

Oh my Hell! The LANGUAGE coming out of this one on the bus this morning nearly burned my ears off! She must have been on her way to some sort of Cosmetology School because she had her Doll Head for hair dying and cutting practice. My cousin used to have to lug hers around with her where ever she went. They are freaky. Hers had a real bad dye job going on.

Her phone rings:

"Ello? ELLO? What. WHAT??? He wrote us up? What the fuck, the Motherfucker! He WROTE us up? You too? From that one day? He is such a CUNT ASSHOLE! I fucking hate him. But why? That was a hard day, eh? He is such a cunt asshole. I hate him. Whatever. I don't care."

Seriously, I think I'm lucky I didn't get my ass noticed and then beat down for taking her pic!!

Lust Object of the Day!

These hand carved pewter "Animal Shot Glasses".

Hot!

$55.00 for a set of 2

available at: http://www.gnr8.biz/product_info.php?products_id=853

Miami Beach Lady of the Day!

"Oh, Haha!"

Most Amazing Lifetime Movie Ever.

"The Babysitter's Seduction"

The best parts are when Keri Russel dressed up in the Lady's clothes, when Mrs. Huxtable gets blown up in her beach house and the final dive off the roof.

Thank God for LMN!

Saturday in Pictures

Check out these sweet "Willy Wonka-esque" Cacti I found at Home Depot.

SnapDragons, Obvi.

I don't know what these are called but I loved them when I was little. My grandma had them all over the place.
Orchids. My favorites.

OMG. A pool test kit! I always wanted to play with the one my grandma used to chemically balance her pool, but she would never let me! Shit!

Some hot shit billboard advertising some art show. The good part got cut off though. It was Tony from Scarface shooting that gun.

Sunset, headed east.

Song of the Day!

"Hooked"

Vanilla Ice

Best 30Rock Episode Ever. "Sandwich Day"

FAILBLOG Favorites!

Oh My Effing Hell! GOOOOOO Sasha Grey!!

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Quote of the Day!

"I don't give a fuck if someone rates it 'hot' or 'not.' I'm here to bring positivity that cannot be judged. It's like judging a grandmother's love."

-Hot Bitch, Kanye West, regarding his new album.

So Hot!!

Check out this super hot lady who was on the 217 Hollywood line last night. So many studs on that outfit! It was Thursday night and she was gonna meet her man! Perhaps that teddy bear in the 'Granny Cart' was a gift for him?

Tales From the Bus- Seat Hogger!

Oh, hello, Lady on the bus who I recognize.

Yes I remember you.

You were the one hogging 2 seats on the extremely crowded 7pm Friday evening 720 Rapid to Fairfax/ Wilshire not 2 weeks ago. I never forget a (psycho) face. Yes, your hair might have been different; greasier and with that truly terrible Olivia Newton John "physical" head band, but I also recognize that knapsack. The one that was taking up a perfectly usable seat while you worked furiously on some macrame/pot holder/poorly knitted scarf. I really couldn't guess what the Hell you were making.

Anyways.

You suck the big one, Lady. The way you have been forced to sit this morning, with your knapsack on your lap or the floor, is just proper

mass transit etiquette,

you wrinkled old hippie. I'm sure we, and your rudeness, shall meet again. I look forward to glaring at you the entire trip like an equally crazy person.

(Or perhaps not if you've got those damn metal knitting needles with you...)

Tales From The Bus- "Child Molester Fail"

I was sitting on the bus on my way home from work last night minding my own business (something I don't do too often; the 'minding my own business part'. Usually I'm minding everyone else's and silently judging them.)

There's this guy who is just kind of weird in general sitting kitty corner from me. As soon as this very large, hard looking (you can always see the hard drugs and alcohol in the way it wears on the face, you know?) woman and a little African American (I feel too nervous to say "black" if you want to know the truth...) girl, maybe 4 or 5, get on the bus.

Immediately the weird guy lights up. Oh, I KNEW it. Child Molester!
Molester to the Rough Woman: "Is that your cute daughter?" (Let me just say here that I knew he was full of shit right off the bat because, to be honest, the child was very annoying and not-cute at all and had a 'stache that needed to be taken care of immediately. I don't understand why, if your child has an abnormal situation like a "child 'stache", parents/ care takers are so uncomfortable with approaching the subject. Wouldn't they rather wax the child than subject her to YEARS of school yard taunts? I don't get it. You are traumatizing the child if you DON'T fix that shit!!!)
Rough Woman: "No, she's my granddaughter."
Child Molester: "You have a sparkly belt!" (Motherfucker! Obvious Child Molester compliment. I mean, do I HAVE to explain further? Please. Why not, "I like your shoes!" Yeah, we know why.)
Rough Woman chimes in with her epic tragedy:"Yeah, no, she's my granddaughter but I take care of her because her mom has 3 other kids. Younger. Uh, 3, 2 and a coupla months. So I'm the only one who can take her to preschool. I thought she'd be able to take her by now (Jesus! Just tell the child you hate her why don't you!) but then she went and had another baby so... But now she finally got herself on birth control so a round of applause for that!"

Jesus! Who the Hell shares this kind of info with a bunch of strangers on a bus. "Hello! My daughter is a big ol' ho bag!"

Too bad for the Child Molester, the next stop was his.

He exited the bus sadly with nothing more with which to drum up further conversation with the Rough Woman and her annoying, unfortunate granddaughter. He has missed his chance to pilfer through the numerous, poorly supervised children of needy dysfunctional women.

I watch a lot of msnbc's predator.

I know how this shit works.

This Sounds Like a "The Onion" Article, But It's Not...

(photo of the psycho)

Did the casseroles, smoothies and turtlenecks really keep her going? Really??

Dear Suzy Bass, You are an effing psycho bitch!

I have highlighted my favorite quotes.

This popular teacher told students and friends she was going to die. What no one knew: She'd feigned chemo nausea, shaved her own head and was never actually sick at all.

Courtesy of Glamour

Suzy Bass had less than a year to live. The Knoxville, Tennessee, high school math teacher was battling stage IV breast cancer, and it had spread to her shoulder and heel. Chemotherapy no longer worked; an experimental bone marrow therapy she'd tried as a last resort appeared futile. Her students and colleagues were devastated. Bass, then 41, was a popular newcomer to the picturesque private Webb School near the Smoky Mountains that fall of 2007. "Ms. Bass was the cool teacher," says Michaelan Moore, 18, who was a junior in Bass's Algebra II class. "Everyone just loved her immediately. We could tell her anything." Because Bass had recently moved to Knoxville and was single, two Webb staffers--Julieanne Pope, 43, and Terri Ward, 51--became her part-time caregivers. "I left my cell phone on my nightstand every night in case she needed anything," says Ward, the dean of faculty. "On bad days I'd tell her, 'We are going to attack this. We are going to fight.'" When Bass was too sick to teach, they'd cover her classes. And they kept a steady stream of casseroles and smoothies going to her condo. "We'd visit and she'd be shaking, pale and so sick," says Pope, Webb's technology coordinator. At school Bass would cover her head--bald from chemotherapy--with a knit cap, and limp from the tumor in her foot. In October Webb students and faculty put together a team for Komen Knoxville Race for the Cure to benefit the local breast cancer charity affiliate. "Suzy's Crew for the Cure," they called it. But when race day came, Bass was too weak to even walk. "She just met us at the finish line so she could cross it," says Pope. As Bass's condition worsened, she sent an e-mail to Pope thanking her for her support and friendship, and in an attached document, she outlined her last wishes. She asked that she be cremated, her ashes scattered in the Cayman Islands, with no tears: "I want whoever is sprinkling to be enjoying friends, family and loved ones, laughing and just having fun," she said. Inspired by Bass's brave battle, Webb's students dedicated their prom fund-raiser to her, raising money for Komen for the Cure by selling T-shirts bearing the charity's logo. The students planned to present a check to the director of Komen's Knoxville branch--with Bass by their side--during prom, and their efforts were covered by the local newspaper. A week before the big dance, though, the school received a series of troubling phone calls. The callers were intimately familiar with Bass's devastating saga. But they weren't upset about her deadly illness--they were furious.Bass, they said, was making the whole thing up. Staffers from a school in Dallas, Georgia--where Bass once taught--had contacted him to expose what they claimed was Bass's latest deception. An employee googled her former colleague to see what had become of her; she found the Knoxville News Sentinel article about the prom fund-raiser. Bass, the callers warned Hutchinson, had pretended to be a cancer patient during her tenure at their school--and at yet another one in Alabama. The school president--who couldn't imagine anyone, let alone one of his most beloved teachers, doing what these strangers alleged--called Bass to his office. "I told her, 'Find me a physician who's treating you for cancer, and I'll make this go away,' " Hutchinson says. After four days of stalling, Bass arranged for her doctor to call the school. But as the caller spoke with Rob Costante, an assistant head of Webb, it was clear that "he was a complete sham," says Costante. Heartsick, Hutchinson went to look for Bass--but she was already gone. Later that afternoon, Hutchinson got Bass on the phone and fired her.As news of Bass's betrayal hit the hallways, emotions ranged from shock and rage to confusion and embarrassment. "I couldn't help but think about the 'end of chemo' cake I'd baked her with a pink frosting ribbon," remembers Moore. "That made me feel a little silly." The entire Webb community had opened their hearts--and wallets--for Bass. Her freshman classes had even bought a refrigerator for her classroom where she kept Gatorade (hydration is key during chemotherapy). "I cried, I was mad, I had every emotion you could feel," Pope says. When she broke the news to her daughter, Macy, the 13-year-old threw a breast cancer awareness band Bass had given her on the floor. "I can't even look at this," she said through tears. Teacher Amanda Rowcliffe, 47, thought of the night when Bass had called her, sobbing. "She said she'd just had her chemo port put in and was distraught about going to school with the ugly bandage showing," Rowcliffe recalls. So she went out, bought and delivered a turtleneck to Bass's home. "I felt so betrayed," she says.A week after getting exposed, Bass pulled down her Facebook account (this bitch waited a whole WEEK???) , changed her phone number and disappeared. In her wake, she left a community of angry, bewildered people with many unanswered questions: How did she do it? How could we not have known? And the biggest, most puzzling one of all: Why?

Gorgeous Heart Throb of the Day!

Robert Pattinson!

Dirty Bitch of the Day!

John McCain!

Hahahahahahahah!

Text of the Day!

From Me to EJ- during an awesome bus ride

"I am going to name my first son 'Cordell Harris' (Goldsmith??) and nobody better try to stop me. Someone smells like sweaty kittens on this bus! Gross. Oh! and we need to go over that meditation stuff. I think we r going to that Italian st fair tonite to go celebrate my woppy heritage."

IM of the Day!

EEJJKropp (5:05:54 PM): i bought gum today and after i had two pieces i looked and it said it was best before february 2006

Robynvanvalin (5:06:07 PM): aahahahahahahahah that's awesome

Robynvanvalin (5:06:11 PM): where did you buy that shit?

Robynvanvalin (5:06:13 PM): ahahaha

My New Obsession! Hef's Twinsies!

I love these 2 new hookers! They are young AND, can it be?, even MORE trashy than Kendra. Believe me, I did not think this was possible! But it is. They are also from Florida which should answer any of your "Why?" questions. They deliver beat downs on outsiders as well as each other! You know this shit is bound to happen again at the Mansion. I'm sure an older, more established whore will attempt to put Karissa or Kristina in their place and end up with a concussion (if that old bitch is LUCKY!). I truly cannot wait for what this dream team PR nightmare will deliver.

Via TMZ-
"Hugh Hefner, 82, likes 'em young, blonde ... and bad.Turns out Hef's 19-year-old handpicked twin successors to the throne of Holly, Bridget and Kendra come with a checkered past. Karissa (left) and Kristina Shannon (right) -- who have recently moved into the Playboy Mansion -- were both busted by St. Petersburg, Fla. police for felony aggravated battery back in January. They both received probation and were ordered to pay restitution to the two victims.Karissa also has a misdemeanor battery charge on her record from 2007. Atta girl!Playboy had no comment.UPDATE 6:40 PM PT: We just talked to a relative of one of the victims and here's what they tell us went down. The twins went out after work with one of their Wing House co-workers, Erica Civello, to a house party. Kristina allegedly started arguing with Erica, and Karissa came up behind her and hit Erica over the head with a bottle of beer and they both "jumped her." Erica suffered a concussion."

"Stairway to Stardom" Hot Bitch of the Day!

Jimmy Schwatzman!

"Come to the Cabaret, Old Chum! Come blow ya horn!"

I bet.

Song of the Day!

"Jambalaya on the Bayou"

Hank Williams

Hot DAMN! Yessssssssss!

"Dress in style, Go hog wild"

Another time, perhaps?

I don't watch Dancing With the Stars unless MK of Dlisted happens to post something about one of the contestants or Mop Head or Smirnoff Ice (who I must say I am beginning to be a fan of. She really got fucked by that walking STD known as Mario Lopez.)

Anyways, every time I watch this shit though it feels so...so...dated! Like an old variety show I would have watched with my grandparents on a school night in 2nd grade. That would be....um...1987. So that's a long ass time ago. I think it has to do with the "talent" involved as well as the live music. It sounds so "cruis-y" or something.

All I'm saying is that I still won't be watching this shit. I just want to know who won at the end.