Whoops.

Take Jaclyn, now 23, who said she recently had to declare bankruptcy because of the money she spent as a contestant at an IMTA convention at the Hilton New York Towers three years ago. At the time, she was living in Cleveland and studying modeling at the Barbizon Schools of Modeling. Jaclyn said her agent at the local Stone Model and Talent Agency assured her she’d be a sure thing.




"The people at the agency told me that I was so awesome, that there was no possible way that I could come out of IMTA with nothing," she said. "And that this was the way my idol, Katie Holmes, got discovered. And then I didn’t get a single call-back. I was crushed, I cried my eyes out and locked myself in my hotel room afterwards. [IMTA officials] banged on my door and called security because they thought I was going to kill myself."

IMTA, ruining lives since 1987!

Hello...

Can we talk about how hot Tupac was??

This photo is for my mother. She is in LOVE with a deceased man.

Soggy...

That's the word that comes to mind when I look at these two. Sexiest Man Alive? Really? Who says so? Blind bitches? His face is AWFUL. Also, Blake Lively looks like that dog that Barbie has.

They remind me of 2 marshmallows who got left in the sun.

sHe's Got The Look!

Can we talk about this outfit?

Oooofff! Did Corey Feldman get this on Santee Alley or Canal Street? Those are the only 2 places to come across such glamourous clothes.

Life is Shit Sometimes

My life has been a fucking roller coaster since the end of 2009. It has gotten better and worse. But usually, or more consistently, worse. I think that's why I stopped writing for so long. What the fuck did I have to write about anyways. When you're kind of depressed all the time (unemployed, gaining 30lbs of sad fat) you don't really give a shit about anything. When I was working in Los Angeles I was blogging a lot. Tons of shit was happening on a daily basis that gave me tons to write about/rant about/ bitch about. Then I left LA. Moved home for awhile. (Which is reason enough not to blog. You don't want to slip up and elude to LIVING AT HOME WITH YOUR MOTHER WHEN YOU ARE 31 YEARS OLD.) So I stopped. But tons of shit happened.
Right away my mom and I took care of my cousin's kid from May - October. My cousin is a piece of shit mom who got caught using drugs during her pregnancy and while in custody of her 4yr old daughter. She tested dirty for all kinds of amphetamines and pills and then got sent to some shit called Project Preemie and her 4yr old daughter was taken from her and given to my family. Dealing with CPS is a GD nightmare. I don't even need to go into what we all already know - they are understaffed, underpaid, overworked, bogged down, frustrated, etc. Half the time we didn't even get the checks we were supposed to use to clothe and feed my cousin's daughter. CPS neglected to update their paperwork so my cousin felt free to cash and KEEP one of the checks that mistakenly went to her even though WE HAD CUSTODY OF HER CHILD WHO THAT MONEY WAS FOR. Insane. The only mistake they made that was of any interest to me in a good way was when they slipped up and told me that my cousin's kid had been IN FOSTER CARE BEFORE and of course if you think my cousin was going to admit that...She also told us that they made a "mistake" when she tested dirty and she wasn't really on drugs and that the only reason they sent her to Project Preemie was because her baby daddy was physically abusive and they were only trying to protect her. Really? REALLY, bitch? You're a Goddamn bad liar is what you are.
I fell in love with that kid so fast. She was beautiful, funny, horrible, insanely smart, scared, sad, wild and beyond difficult. Her mother had neglected her so badly that she was wearing holey tights with no underwear when she was taken away and there were no other clothes to put on her. I guess when you pass out on Xanax and Ambien all day you don't have time for stupid shit like buying your kid clothes or GIVING THEM FOOD OR WATER. The 4yr old (who I will just refer to as "S" from now on) had issues with food and water because she didn't even have any sometimes. It took anywhere from 45 minutes to 3 hours to get her to sleep at night because she was terrified of the dark. After weeks of losing my patience and my MIND trying to get her to sleep, my mother finally realized that "S" thought we were leaving her alone each time we left the bedroom. Not like, just going in the TV room and watching TV, but leaving the house to party since that's what her mom did to her. She was left in apartments and hotel rooms by HERSELF at under 4yrs of age. We had to explain to her that we would NEVER do that to her and that we were just in the kitchen cleaning up or watching TV.
She started opening up to us pretty quickly. She was telling us stories about her mom and dad's drug use and physical abuse. Marijuana- "My mama says it's just medicine so it's okay!" and I'd shoot my mom a LOOK like, "What the FUCK?"
Ugh. She told us stories about her mom having sex in a hot tub with some dude. She told us about how her mom and dad took her to "the hotel 6" to go to Disneyland. At this "Hotel 6" her father "squeezed mama til her face was red! He was choking her!" and I believe a knife may have been involved. The stories kind of started to blend together. 4. Years. Old.
We got a social worker to start coming 1-2 times a week to do Play Therapy and stuff like that, but I will just go ahead and tell you this: It was too late. "S" was so fucked up that I think we (my mom and I) kind of knew early on that this was just a really bad situation and "S" was never going to recover. But we would go back and forth. When you are dealing with a kid that is difficult 80% of each and every day, ANY chance/sign of hope gets you super excited and you think progress is being made. Until you catch that kid literally trying to kill your dogs.
Animal abuse - we all know what THAT means. Future serial killer... probably. While we had "S" we also had 5 dogs in the house. A Yorkie, 2 pugs, a Chihuahua and a French Bulldog (mine). Now, I'm not sure WHY "S" chose to target my dog...but she did. The first time I new something BAD was up was when I let "S" play outside by herself (fully fenced yard with 7 foot high gates and a WINDOW I could see her out of) and I caught her punching my dog in the face. Slapping his body, face and head with her hands. I tore outside. "S!!!, get INSIDE NOWWWW!" She calmly stopped what she was doing but she wouldn't look at me. Whenever she was in trouble she would refuse to look at you, pretending she couldn't be more bored, and sometimes amused, by you. It was honestly infuriating. To not be able to get a reaction of empathy or recognition of bad behavior is INCREDIBLY frustrating. You want to know they FEEL something, feel BAD about something they have done. It is very disconcerting to have a towheaded, gorgeous 4yr old look at you with bemusement and smugly smile at you while you explain to them it is not okay to hurt anyone. We constantly tried to tie the situation back to her. "S, no one would treat you like that in this house and we would never let anyone hurt you in this house." But it did no good. How could she even begin to understand that when all that had ever happened to her WAS hurt, neglect, pain, fear, abuse...
I sat her down for a good long talk about why we never hurt animals. She seemed like she might be hearing me in a few of my sentences...and the rest of it? No. She had a 4 minute time out and then it was like nothing ever happened. She wanted to watch SpongeBob and eat cheese and crackers.
The very next day it got worse. I let her play outside again. I gave her a vague reminder about being "kind to everyone" and then let her out the front door. I ran to the window and peeked out the curtains. She walked quietly around the yard for maybe 5 minutes. I never took my eyes off of her, of course. You could never trust her to be out of your sight for 2 seconds. I knew I'd have to tell her to stop jumping off the top of something or to please stop "dancing sexy on the picnic table. Let's dance like we talked about with April!" (The social worker tried in vain to stop the sexy dancing but when your mother is a stripper who has a pole up in the very middle of your little apartment and dances on it like she's at the fucking strip club, you probably think that's normal and even FUN!)
At minute 6 "S" targeted my dog. It was hard to watch. I saw her walking slowly up to him and VERY slyly looking around for me. I saw her look at the windows in case I were watching but she couldn't see me. She lured him closer by putting her hand out flat, palm up, like you should do when approaching a dog. My dog, being trusting as dogs are, bounced up to "S" and waited right in front of her. She got down on her hands and knees and spoke sweetly to him. I felt uneasy. I looked at her hands to see if she had a sharp stick or anything...she didn't. But then she placed both of her little hands around his neck. She began to squeeze...and squeeze...and squeeze. She started squeezing so hard that her arms began to shake. It was probably the creepiest and definitely the saddest thing I have ever seen. This little girl had seen someone do this to her mother and now she was going to do it to my dog. I tore open the door and just said, "Inside. Now. You know what you did". I scared the shit out of her and I won't say I wasn't a little bit happy about that. At least it was a reaction to being caught! It was a feeling! Something! Anything! 
 She gave me a dirty look and took her sweet time getting into the house.
I sat her down and went into why we don't hurt animals or people, but it was useless. I knew it wasn't going to make a difference. I knew she couldn't wait until I shut up so she could flash a big smile at me and ask for a snack. Like nothing ever happened.
I think that's when I really let go? It was October already. I knew her mother was trying to jump through all the ridiculous waste-of-time hoops so she could get her daughter back. I knew that once my cousin got out of Project Preemie and then the shelter that followed that it was all going to be for nothing. I wasn't wrong. But I'm too tired to get into it.
To make a very long story short, I cut off all social contact with my cousin, but clearly expressed an interest in continuing to talk to "S", send gifts, etc. Just to be there in case she needed to call me, needed help, but clearly the logistics of all of that are ridic. She cant just call me up, you know. My cousin, in retaliation, for raising her daughter on my unemployment checks and keeping her safe while she was 'getting it together' (WTF?) cut off all contact and forbids me from seeing "S".
And that's just how it all happened. And I haven't blogged in over a year but I blogged about this. I think I needed to.